Me

So called

2011-10-23T06:58:00.000-07:00

Wandered through oceans far and wide,
leaped through every fire and void.
Swam across endless abyss,
Even tasted a viper's kiss.

All in the name of love (so called),
all for a beauty that enthralled.
All for a meaningless sway,
that left me alone one fine day.

Until, that is, I found you,
I came to know that love be true.
Came to know that oceans deep,
were in front of your love a meaningless heap.

(Your) Love, pure as a rivulet after rain,
clear and sweet, eraser of pain.
(Your) Affection immense and strong,
loving (you) back I could do no wrong.

Doubts I have, fears I endure
but I am sure of your affection, so pure.

time to move on

2010-03-05T18:18:00.000-08:00

the sun has set and night dawns
the arrow has been fired and is gone
get your act together brother
for now its time to move on.

all that was to be already is
of all that could have been
it had to be this and only this
no use thinking what could have been.

another day awaits another day has spawned
another chance to live, to try, to cry
so get your act together brother
for now its time to move on.

My Drain

2010-02-08T12:39:00.000-08:00

It happened one night in October
When I was out in the rain,
I was fully drunk on love not sober,
Too drunk to feel the pain

In love was I so madly dear
That I hardly noticed the drain,
For I walked right into it without steer
While I was out in the rain.

Then it happened again in January
When I was out in the rain,
I had been dumped, was full of misery
I was in too much pain.

Was thinking of her, the imitation of an elf
That I hardly noticed the drain,
Into it I dumped myself
Dumped into it again.

Then again in the month of March,
When I rediscovered the reason for life main,
I rejoiced the end of my long drawn search,
That I took a walk instead of the train.

Now call me stupid call me insane,
For I hardly noticed the drain.
The same one that had bathed me twice,
Bathed me yet again.

All through the year until December,
I lost a little but a lot did I gain
I kept myself safe, far as I remember,
And kept away from all stain.

But in the end when all rejoiced,
The end of the year; the drain yet again
Called to me and literally voiced,
To complete the ritual simple and plain.

No More.....

2010-02-05T05:40:00.001-08:00

I have walked long enough brother
i can carry further no more,
i have had much on my shoulder
and on my heart even more,

i am tired now and wish to rest,
awake me not from this slumber brother,
for i wish to wake not, never, forever,
i am tired and can carry no more.

even my breathing is a noise,
the rustle of wind a thunder,
these whispers are too loud for my taste
and this feather is like a boulder.

i have walked long enough brother,
put me out of my misery,
i give up, i quit, bring another,
in my stance and give me my finery.

cover me with this shroud,
and let me rest mine eyes,
let me hide away from this crowd,
help me, cross over the skies.

Memories unforgettable and unforgotten

2010-02-05T05:39:00.004-08:00

Chased by ghosts past,
O soul when will thou breathe thy last?
When will these phantoms stop chasing,
you in your dreams un-phasing?
When will these specters of old,
stop appearing before your eyes tired and cold?
Will there be no respite? Will there be no relief?
Will there be no relief for thy unshakable belief?
When will these hurtful memories cease to affect?
When will this burden lighten my chest?
O sinful soul! When shall thee breathe,
the clean fresh air and not let the wreathe
of some memory coming back to haunt thee?
When will this be? Pray I, please tell me.

Life

2010-02-05T05:39:00.003-08:00

Life aint a bed 'o roses,but it aint a thorn bush neither
Life sure ain't sweet, but it ain't bitter either
There may be love, there may be lust
But sure as hell you will be dust
So live your life full while you must
For its not about what you lost but that you lost all and still trust.

i lied.....

2010-02-05T05:39:00.001-08:00

I lied to you a lot dear, and I hope you forgive me
I lied about the way I am, I lied a lot simply,
I lied to you that I loved you so,
When I loved you more than you cared,
I lied to you that I had to leave,
To let you live, by yourself and not scared.

I lied to you a million lies,
Still one truth did I tell,
I lied to you as the crow flies,
But in love with you I fell.

Forgive me not, for I am at sin,
For I lied to you through thick and thin,
Forgive me not, for I did lie,
About me being innocent, about me being shy.

I lied and lied and then lied some more,
I lied to you, till your heart I tore.

Now dear, its all come back,
To tear at me heart, cut me some slack.
All the lies, told, white and black,
Are hear to gnaw, at me in a pack.

Now that I see my end so near,
Its not fear that grips me but deep sorrow,
For every moment that I spent with you,
I feared for the lonely tomorrow.

Forgive not me, nor my lies,
As I deserve your hatred.
But forget me not beyond the skies,
Lying about the love putrid.

Dear You

2010-02-05T05:38:00.002-08:00

I chase you all round
As if in a dream
Yet whenever I try to touch you
A hundred miles away you seem

Why dear, why o dear,
Is this distance between us?
Why dear, why o dear
Can’t we be closer than thus?

Why dear, when we meet
Do I have to fear the parting?
Why dear, when I see you laugh
Do I have to fear a tear in its place startling?

Dear dear, my dear
Please stay with me,
Dear dear, my dear
Please don’t leave me

I can survive the agony of being away
I can live through the distance but hey
Don’t u dare leave me and go. Don’t you go away
Forever and ever, never turning back, I say!

Dear Parents

2010-02-05T05:38:00.001-08:00

Dear parents I am lucky to have thee
Dear parents I am lucky to be me
Dear parents I am lucky to say WE
Dear parents I am lucky to be free.

Father! O Father! How is it that you?
Have a son like me, so bad and so untrue.
Mother! O Mother! I am not a proper heir
To represent you both, so honored and fair.

It must pain you, father, to see how I turned out
It must pain you, mother, to know how I fail
It must pain you both, to see my clout
It must pain you a lot, to see me frail.

All my life I fear,
To open my eyes and not find you near,
All my life I was scared,
That I would not have one who cared.

I fear, dear parents, that I may lose you,
I fear dear parents, that I have disappointed you,
But above all I fear, to see in you
Tears of sorrow, to speak your emotions true.

Before its too late let me swear an oath,
To be a son, to make proud you both,
Before its too late let me hug you once more,
So I may not lament it, when you are no more.

The weight of time is heavy upon mine shoulder
The cold of night grows even colder,
For I sense an end edging ever nearer,
Try as I might, I see it closer and clearer.

Dear mother, I want to apologize,
That I never could clean the room,
Nor could I ever water the plants.
Dear mother I am sorry, to disregard when you criticize.

Dear father, how can I say?
That I am sorry for not being up with the first ray?
Dear dad, I tear my hair,
For not appreciating how much you care.

All your comforts and all your dreams,
All your pleasures and even your seams,
You sacrificed for me, and I,
Couldn’t even for you kill a fly.

Oh this sorrow, oh this agony,
Oh these gloom, oh this monotony.
Too late, 'tis too late,
Nothing remains now, tis too late

Bored

2010-02-05T05:37:00.002-08:00

Bored to death, even death is bored,
Tried to sleep but loudly snored,
Awoken by the neighbor on phone,
Glared at him to leave me alone.

Silence at last, just the a/c humming,
Wait for the sleep, but sleep is not coming,
Look at the watch it doesn’t seem to work,
For seemingly an hour now, the minute's hand doesn’t jerk.

Open the communicator to see who is online,
Just the team lead, who was here at nine,
Click close the window and push myself into the screen,
Trying to make sense, of these programs long and mean.

Another error, severe this time,
Makes me worried, as if a heinous crime,
Look for the geek to come and resolve,
But in the hour of need he did dissolve.

Back to the communicator, searching for friends,
With similar predicament at their ends,
Found one, then one too many,
All seem to have this boredom, very funny.

All have tried, as I find out,
To sleep, to relax but ended up wound out,
Bye byes shared, ended the talk,
Looked grudgingly back at the clock.

Hurray! Time for lunch!
Jump out of the seat and off to the café to munch,
On salty cake and bland curry,
On moist rice, made in a hurry.

Back to desk, back to the hell,
Must grind again, without talk or tell,
Check the pay slip for the umpteenth time,
It’s still the same, hasn’t even gone up a dime.

Pulled out of my reverie by the Lead,
Demanding the work status, (as per their creed),
DB2 down, Loadlib invalid,
I try to lie, keeping my face placid.

That has done the trick, and he is back,
To his seat, sitting with a slack,
He has no work, still makes 6.5 lac,
How he must spend, hard to keep track.

Boiling in envy, roiling in boredom,
I look back to the screen,
Not to work but to know the time, I mean,
Blank it has become, stupid screen saver unclean.

Time is now 4,
Excitement to the core,
Time for snooker, time for fun,
Turn to run but stare at a gun.

Lead is back, saying “DB2 is up!”
“Until you get the result, don’t get up!”
***** I mutter, and sit back down,
Bang my head on the desk and frown.

Try to work, but the clock stares at me,
It is now 6, time to leave, finally!
Guilty I look at the code,
“Will look at it tomorrow”, so thinking I leave for the abode.

The next day I come late,
By 30 minutes, a record unbroken till date,
Grudgingly I take my seat and open the code stored,
Only to realize that I am bored to death, even death is bored.

Cigarette Cigarette Burning Bright

2010-02-05T05:37:00.001-08:00

Cigarette cigarette burning bright

Ashes dark and tip alight

Standing tall tilting slight

Burning away into the night.

An obsession a favorite a kill joy

A poison a weapon a toy

Good for the man but bad for the boy

Silent and smoky flashy and coy.

Unheeding the danger sign

People taste the divinity thine

They say less is fine

Less and more is but a thin line.

Cough cough choke choke

Lungs afire heart broke

Still a charm under the cloak

Precious life up in smoke.

Clouding the sense

Releasing the tense

In public an offense

So in private as a defense.

Corroding lives of the yearners

Claiming away the earners

Lighted by matches lighters and burners

Slow death for all a burden upon mourners.

Cigarette cigarette burning bright

Why don’t people see the light

And put away the aflame fright

To live longer and live light.

Exams, a reminiscene

2010-02-05T05:36:00.004-08:00

Lying on the bed,
banging my head.
squating on the floor,
lockin up the door.

that is how i try to study,
but it annoys me and makes my head bloody.
i try to read the book,
but its boring and canot get me hooked.

Damn these exams,
i should have heard the sirs and maams,
in their long sermon and presentation,
instead of bunking to see supermans annhilation.

i call up a friend,
or sms as per the trend.
but they all seem to be doin it
damn it they all seem to be doin it!!

i recite, i buttify
i write, but a dull butterfly.
catches my attention,
following it leads to more detention

.then mom calls for lunch,
i put the books in a bunch,
and go off to munch,
with a ssllurp and a crunch.

all this food is nutritious
supposed to make me wild and ferocius,
supposed to help read it all with a snap,
but i feel drowsy and end up takin a nap.

then get jostled out of the slumber,
by my phone ringin to the latest dance number,
its a far away friend,
calling up to ask questions no end.

it seems hes finished his task,
now hes called to ask,
if i am free for a while,
for a movie ?(i begin to smile).

off we zip zap and zoom,
books locked up in my room,
exams rolled out of the head,
until later that night when i return to bed.

i decide its not too late,
exam is still a far away date,
will worry over it tomorrow,
but its the same, to my sorrow.

i wake up again to bang my head,
and sit near the window instead,
the girl opposite my house is there
she looks at me and i stare.

locked into her beauty
i stare as if my duty.
and the again as u kno,
exams seem lighter than snow.

off they fly out of my head,
only to return as i return to bed.

Death......may i never forget you

2010-02-05T05:36:00.003-08:00

What is this pain in my chest
Like a burden placed on it
Why cant I breathe properly
Why are you all weeping
Why? Is something wrong
Why is everybody here
Is there some celebration
Mom come here and hold my hand
I am feeling scared
Dad please sit by my side
Like you did everyday
Dear sister why aren't you teasing me now
And why are there tears in your eyes
Have you gotten your exams result
Or have i
Dear cousins why do you gather around me so
Have you gotten the cigarettes
Hide them in your pockets still
Don't take them out in front of them
O dear aunt! Where is your smile
Have you brought my cookies
Have you brought my pies
Why there is granny too!
Look how solemn she looks
And here comes the doctor
With four more
And who is that shrouded figure
Who awaits near the door
He neither weeps nor is he smiling
And hes looking at me now
He scares me out
Mom come and shoo him off
I don't like his eyes
He comes nearer now and the load on my chest
Gets manifold and I cant talk much now
Why am I feeling scared now
Even with you all around
Why do I feel lonely now
Inspite of this crowd
Why is my brow sweating now
Is it summer already
Why are you all so quiet now
Why aren't you talking to me
Look dad this man is taking me away
Look up dad I am near the window
Why are you all looking at the bed anyway
Look sister I am flying now
Just like in my dreams
Look theres a window in the sky now
And I am floating to it
Why we have my bike and car
Why do we still go barefoot
Why is this stranger alongwith me now
Why isn't there any one of you
Why aren't you answering me now
Am I falling on the deaf ears of you.

In the library

2010-02-05T05:36:00.001-08:00

The college starts and all assemble
in their classrooms while i resemble
a cat washed in the rain
all tousle haired with partially open eyes,
"What happened ?" I rack my brain
and then I realise, I overslept again!!!

I jump out of my bed and zoom
into the bath and out again soon.
I check out with a friend(who like me is late)
I finish my breakfast and reach the gate.

In comes my friend on his bike
all dressed up and neat, me alike.
We zig zag through the rush,
I realise on the way, I forgot to brush.

With all haste, I reach my destination,
but this haste was a waste, is my apprehension.
The college had started full throttle
while i slept at home, drinking from a bottle,
to make up for the time long lost
I go to the library to look up engines made of frost.

As i sign upon the register my number,
I sight another which kicks me out of my slumber.
Is this her ? I rack my brain
the second time in the day, causing my head to pain,
its really her! as I soon find
or is it some other, have I gone blind ?

I cant be dreaming, I realise
as I bump into a pillar, which brings out my cries.
I limp to the far end
and to choose a book I bend
but my mind is far away
wonderning about the one in pink.

This pink lady is all busy and out of track
chatting away with her friend in black,
these two are always together, tightly in a pack
as if guarding each other from an attack.

Anyways, lets talk about the pink
who is a friend of mine on the internet, through a link
I dont know much about her i must admit,
just that she likes music
and loves watching schumacher negotiate the pit.

I raise my eyes every now and then
to make sure shes there,
but each time I sight her,
i turn away my stare,
fearing that she may sight
me in the library and take a flight.

All this starts in my brain a flurry
of words about the events since morning in a blurry.

I look down and start to write
a rhyme about the flamingos flight,
all the while pausing to have a look,
at the one in pink, looking away from her book.

As I progress with my verse,
i loose my head and she picks her purse,
and leaves the hall with her friend.

I realise this and myself I curse,
for I was too busy to extend
my hi's and hellos to her and her friend.

Not all is lost, I muse
to miss another class i refuse,
and so thinking i muster the strength
to leave for my classroom at length,
and leave the pink one till the next time
when i shall talk and not act mime.

Let me be....

2010-02-05T05:35:00.003-08:00

Let me be your walking stick,
holding your hand as you move.
Let me be your veil,
sheilding you from the evil eye.
Let me be your skin,
so that i rupture before you bleeed.
Let me be your mirror,
so that you see yourself
everytime you look at me.
Let me be your tears,
so that i flow out taking your pain.
Let me be your nails,
so i come back even after you cut me out.
Let me be your ring,
so that you fidget with me when worried.
Let me be the earth,
so that i take you in my arms when you fall.
Let me be all these things,
but never let me feel small.

I love you MOM

2010-02-05T05:35:00.001-08:00

i just had a fight with you mom
and i must say i am mad.
why do you not understand me mom,
why do you make me sad ?

you wake me up every morning mom,
muttering over my staying up late.
you shout at me as i ready for college mom
why do you bother about my state ?

you give me chores at home mom,
do you not know that i have a life ?
why dont you ever understand me mom
shall i never enjoy and always strife ?

you compare me with the guy next door mom
you say he is better and works hard
just let me be my way mom
dont treat me like an insane, a retard.

i just had a fight with you mom
and i know that you are feeling sad
why can i never understand you mom,
why do i have to make you mad ?

you wake me up every morning mom
after making my breakfast and tea
why cant i wake up by myself mom
why do u have to shout to make me reach college early ?

you take care of the whole house mom,
even ironing my clothes for me,
dont you ever want to enjoy mom ?
you dont have to serve me.

you compare me with the guy next door mom
saying he is hard working and better than me,
do i not see the hopes in your eyes
the hopes that you have for me ?

you are the strength of the whole house mom,
you are the fragrance of every room,
without you this house would just be walls,
and not what i could call home.

i am sorry i fought with you mom
and let in such a hurry,
as i look your starined face mom
i want to myself bury.

i just had a fight with you mom
while you dried your tears wih your apron,
forgive me for being so terrible mom
for i am your prodigal son.

Yumcet

2010-02-05T05:34:00.002-08:00

EAMCET....EAMCET....EAMCET....
An exam for which i am not yet set,
it consists of questions one hundred and sixty,
eighty for maths, and forty-forty for physics and chemistry,
each question has options four,
youll be able to answer them iffff,
you are thorough with the subject to the core.

I now sit with a load of books..
each giving me empty looks.

confused i am where to start,
while mother feeds me juices and tart.

soon i begin to wonder, think and ponder........
what was i doing the last two years ?
why did i not give the subject my ears ?
my first year was fine,
my intermediate (10+2) books i did entwine,
and i passedtoo.....with a good percentage 92.
then came year number. 2,
which (i felt) was like a bout of flu ,
sick and tired of it i became,
and it left me weak and maim.

now i have nothing to do but get set,
and study for EAMCET................
so now i think i should end,
most of my time with my books i should spend.

So alwida, adieu, farewell;i hope i do well,
in EAMCET..........an exam for which i am not yet set.

Results Galore

2010-02-05T05:34:00.001-08:00

I sit stiff as a rod
unable to sleep or nod,
staring at the computer screen
i am waiting for my result, i mean.

slow and unsteady the pages open
my hall ticket number into the box i pen
and press enter.........
and wait for that which could end my banter.

a bead of sweat i wipe from my face
and wait patiently and brace,
for the loading of the display
like water falling on clay.

and finally i see it alll crystal clear
and realise what i most fear.

as expected i have flunked
in the subject i had most bunked,
the rest i have passed but marginally
and this subject i failed by three marks only!!!!!

after an hour i recover
the score of my friends i discover,
they too have drowned like me,
in this pain i cannot even cry for mummy!!

i try to mask my face
and save my family the disgrace,
but the calls on the phone spill the beans
as my mother overhears as she cleans.

soon i am rounded
by the whole family, surrounded.
helpless i confess my guilt
and a fort of taunts upon me is built.

all rights and liberties
are denied to me and am grounded
even the social niceties are denied
and i am dumbfounded.

the next day offers respite
after a thoroughly retless night,
as i meet others.....
my friends, of the same feathers.

there is an unspoken grief
which keeps our talks brief,
while some are all too glad
and raving about their scores like mad.s

omeone suggests,"Apply for reevaluation"
while some say,"Prepare for supplementary examination"
while some dont even care
as they have passed fair and square.

all this amounts to one thing,
that i didnt work hard enuff,
this i realise as i take the sting
that this is really some stuff.

i nurse my wounded ego
saying that there is always next time,
and i shall have another go
at the subject i flunked, a great crime.

but till then i shalll strive
to make my dream come alive,
a dream to have a spotless degree
and it aint gonna come for free.

La Belle Dame Sans Merci

2010-02-05T05:33:00.002-08:00

Considered it is to be beautiful
this feeling in me
makes me look pitiful.
it eats me from inside
and at the same time
a happiness is by my side.
i question myself in vain
'why ? why only me?
why ? why only she?
why couldn't it be anyone else but me ?
why does it have to be like this ? '
these questions sting me like a venomos kiss.
in this pain
i am unable to gain
it is better to be slain
than be lke this.
it is all so discomforting
that i wonder in half surprise
that this is really happening.
she knows everything, still is ignorant.
gosh this love ! i dont know whether to rave or rant.
there she leaves for a distant land
with just a shake of a hand,
we part, my heart torn apart.
i want to hide my face and cry out loud,
cry at the top of my voice,
and blame my hormones for my choice.
still there is hope which is ever fading,
but i hope against hope,
that someday shall come,
when she shall know,
my love for her
pure and fair as snow.

The Stars but you

2010-02-05T05:33:00.001-08:00

Once i sat under the night sky
with nothing to do,
when i looked up at it so high
i knew what to do
I looked and looked
and saw the pole star to my right
looking further i got the big dipper in sight
But what i wanted most i could not find
and got up to leave and found you right behind

Firendship-An Irony

2010-02-05T05:32:00.000-08:00

The air is thick with tension
calm and easy, my pretention
as mates from the class
around me read, and alas
i do nothing and still hope to pass.
I look around at these faces
and reminisce those days of fun and disgraces.
those early days of engineering
when my poetry had a form and meaning.
Those early days of the free bird flying
quite ironic to now, the old eagle dying.
those were the days, when i was new
to the grindings of life, and had grudges few,
Those were the days when i treated
every tom, dick, harry and sally, like a friend, uncheated.
but now i chuckle
as the load of all this has made me buckle.
Then i was in good awe
of my college, beautiul without a flaw.
everybody seemed nice, but the claw
of time has corroded that image and it does gnaw
at my heart, and my eyes pained with what i saw.
These ' friends ' of the yesteryear
were humans after all, i fear
while then i thought them to be near
their distance from me now is clear.
These boys and girls had after all their lives,
they weren't my husbands
nor were they my wives.
How could i expect them to treat me as i did,
these expectations sound like a fantasy of a kid.
Whom i thought was my best of buddies
turned out to be among the muddies
for he did secretly many a thing
of engineering importance and to me told nothing.
I would have benefitted from it too
but still, he did it discretely, and i had not a clue.
Still one, who did with me spend quite a time,
who with me did pretend to be mime
turned out to do still many things without me....
Oh !!! its like putting lime on injury.

And then when i was in shortage
of notes, i turned to my bondage
knowing quite well that they would offer help
but they surprised me and made me yelp.
For with one lousy reason and another
they turned me down without a bother,
' bad writing-absence from class-nonotes!!!', was all that they said
but these things didnt matter as my friends for me were dead.
I dont blame them for being selfish,
for they all have responsibilities of feeding their fish.
But i do have something to say,
think of me what they may.
i confess, i might be dumb,
and do nothing but suck my thumb.
I might not be rich or in trend
but still, i am your friend.
I extended to you my hand but you shrunk away
i still extend it anyway,
so that when you stumble or when you fall
my hand be there for you all.
to stand you straight, and shrug off the dust
my dear friend, i do it without greed or lust.
I cannot give you anything, i percieve
but atleast i dont lie or decieve.
Always remember, a friend in need
is a friend indeed.
never shy away from help,
never run away when you are needed,
for you never know when you may need,
and then you may not have anyone from your creed,
to help you out of your trouble
a friend afterall is like a bubble.
a tiny prick may make it pop
and make you a total flop.

This is just me..

2010-02-05T05:31:00.000-08:00

For want of a large space,
to express myself,
i choose to blog my case,
to make it my shelf.

i write mostly mails,
of people, letters and fishy tales,
but people find it tedious,
reading long mails from someone studious.

thus i select this way,
people may read it or go away,
there is no force,
nor compulsion to read this course.